I remember, back when I was an elementary school student, when girls and boys carried specific germs. These germs are called the “Coodies.”

There were two types of Coodies: Boy germs and Girl germs. Now, these germs were not fatal when in contact with their specific gender (e.g. Boy germs on boys would cause no mental or bodily harm in any specific way or form). The only way Coodies became a health hazard was when it came into contact with the opposite sex (e.g. Boy germs on girls). If this were to ever happen, the victim must act quickly to rid him/herself of Coodies before the area infected turns gangrenous and promptly drops off.

Although the effects of Coodies are severe, the remedy is quite simple. It has been scientifically proven that merely rubbing the infected area on a surface will transfer the germs off the contaminated person’s skin. For the more malicious victim of the Coodies, simply tapping someone of their same gender will cause the Coodies to transfer onto the new victim, leaving them free of the disease.

This strange disease quickly disappears after a few years of running around screaming and trying to avoid contact of any kind with the opposite sex. After a time, the Coodies dissipates and eventually ceases to exist. Boys and girls are then able to make skin contact, hold hands, fondle body parts and insert them into orifices.

I have made many studies on these germs. In the past, I have assumed that this plague appeared only in the western civilizations. Since coming to Japan, to further my studies on Coodies, I have discovered that this strange epidemic has also unfortunately reached the East ... which makes me wonder whether or not it’s taken over the whole world.

I taught an Ocean level class last week, a class made up of 11 to 12 year olds. It was so strange to see the girls and boys running around like ... well, like I once did back in Australia. “Ew! Girl geeerms!” I remember I once screamed when one of my malicious classmates rubbed his infection of Coodies onto me. I wonder what they call it in Japanese.

Anyway, it just amused me to be reminded of my childhood in a completely different place.